in relation to...

I am not very happy when my salary does not compare well with that of my mates.

As I recall now.. I never could have compared myself to my mates back in middle school days.. I was never confident of comparing my self to them. Mediocrity is a great way to be. Remaining unnoticed is best way to save yourself from the outside world. Create your own worlds and u end a lot of uncertainties and fears. Fantasies are best companion then.. They become the stories, the achievements, the roller coaster rides as well as the unearned toys.

However, one day I started getting confident about myself when somebody compared me to my classmates and said I was brilliant. I recently had my first shave and it was (as in the background I come from) high time to start earning. High time to be brilliant I guess.. As there was no way else I could have thought about earning my living. My father wanted me to be more successful as compared to him and I could only achieve that with my books.

And suddenly I was riding the wave of adrenaline. It dint take any time to guess that doing better in studies was no big deal. It just sought time.. Which I could squeeze from my fantasies. I wonder if anyone would have felt the same.. Its like what Alice might have felt being back from wonderland.. But it was no bad shock. Reality does not pinch as long as u wanna fight.. u wanna achieve and u wanna enjoy. That's being confident with all 'tashan'.

For those who have not experienced it.. Only one feeling beats the feeling of 'feeling confident as if never been' and that is 'feeling thinner (as if never been)'... ;)

And u would guess.. I was experiencing both. As if all pockets filled with berries back in child hood days.

This 'comparison' thing was working wonders for me.. when it was my game.

However, when it is not... The life is hell. Success doesn't bring happiness if not shared. And a competitor at heart can never share. What an irony... for the biggest motivation for success comes from threats from ur competitors.

I know how to beat the vicious circle. But the problem is that I just know. I am not skilled enough to practice yet.

God bless me!